when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
