We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
