Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
