T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
