I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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