hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
