covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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