this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
