I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
