I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
