Got a toothbrush?
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
