My Higher Power is John Stamos
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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