I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
