"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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