puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
