The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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