don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
