I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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