Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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