'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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