im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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