Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
