i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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