We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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