I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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