The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
