im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
