Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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