he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
