A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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