ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
