If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
