Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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