I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
