I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want her autograph on my taint
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i now understand why vodka
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
