Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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