what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
