Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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