i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
