I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
