You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
