can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Actions speak louder than pants.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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