im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
two words...techno handjob
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Randomize
