I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize