i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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