Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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