miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
