She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
