U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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