Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
