He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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