Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
