finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize