what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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