you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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