So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
