you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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