I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
