Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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