I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
