Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did I show you my penis last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
