just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
