Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
