I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
