dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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