I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
