Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's blow job season.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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