Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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