in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
