You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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