The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
