My nipple is on Facebook.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They have beer where we have blood.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
