I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
