if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
